I for one, am glad that March is over! It has been a rocky and tumultuous month for me. Let me backtrack.....
In my previous post I expanded on the power of Intention and using Vision Boards as a tool to create the change that you want in your life. What I didn't add is a disclaimer that, ready or not, vision boards do create powerful shifts as a catalyst for the changes you wish to create in your life and, in doing so, you must let go of what is not serving your highest vision to create the space in your life for the positive experiences you DO want. This can be very painful. I haven't met anyone yet that didn't have a hard time with "letting go" even if it is for the right reasons.
I have not been very public in letting on that I have been in an unhappy marriage for quite a number of years now, but this information is important to what I am about to share with you.
I have struggled with being on a spiritual journey and changing and growing from the woman that I was when I got married 14 years ago. My husband is a good person and a great father and the process of us becoming disconnected and distant was confusing and sad. Yes, we did go to counseling 7 years ago and very recently. Having 2 amazing children, we wanted to do everything possible to stay together but it just wasn't working.
The marriage was "broken" and couldn't be repaired. Loving each other but not being "in love" with each other was not enough and we were both very unhappy.
So, after I created this amazing vision board about how I wanted my life to be, a series of synchronicities occurred.
First, I randomly heard an inspirational tidbit on Hay House Radio by Sadie Nardini, a famous yogi and inspirational speaker. She was referring the practice in yoga called tapas. Which is defined in Wikipedia as follows:
"In the yogic tradition it is the fire that burns within that is needed for the sanyasi to achieve the very difficult goal of enlightenment, to foster self-control, one mindedness and focus, simplicity, wisdom, integrity. It is used to develop and discipline the body, mind and character; control of mind; satisfaction of all desires - through discipline of body, correct speech, telling only the truth, correct thought, non violence, correct action, love for all, devotion to God, developing the ability to remain tranquil and balanced in every situation, act without any selfish motive or thought of reward, with an unshakable faith in God"
Nardini explained it further by stating we need to "SAY YES" and "SURRENDER" to ALL aspects of our lives.
I realized that I had been "pushing against" everything that I perceived as "wrong" in my life. There is a saying, "What we resist, persists" When you "push against" that energy of conflict and pain creates MORE conflict and pain.
So, I started to surrender.
I started to say.......YES!
To EVERYTHING in my life but ESPECIALLY the bad, sucky parts!
I just started saying to my self, "Yes, I surrender to the fact that my marriage is in the toilet." "Yes, I surrender to the fact that I can't do what I want right now because of this and because of that." "Yes I surrender to it ALL!"
What I immediately began to notice was, the more I surrendered, the less fearful I felt.
Fear was the greatest reason I was staying stuck in the old patterns of my life.
When I was able to let go of most of the fear surrounding making a change, I began to really believe that no matter what, everything was going to be ok. More than that I was going to be ok.As all of this was happening, I also happened to be in a strong creative space where my ideas were flowing and my painting was effortless and magic and powerful.
Paintings were being finished in record time and they were amazing! I imagine this was due to the shift in my perception.
I became drawn to painting Tree Energy Paintings with layers of symbols and intention. The tree also represents letting go as well as change and transformation so, no surprise there!
Well, the act of creating an energy painting with intention is also very powerful!
So YES, BEWARE ...change WILL occur!!!
The latest tree painting I was working on not only included lots of words and symbols for intention and transformation, like "Be the change you wish to see in the world" but I also wrote on a sheet of loose leaf paper all of my feelings about my marriage including how I didn't want to hurt my husband.
I then cut the paper up into leaf shapes and applied them to the painting as collage with many other collage paper leaves.
Completely by accident, although I don't believe in coincidences, the walls in my living room were suddenly bare because I had moved those paintings to the new yoga studio I was teaching at. So, the energy tree painting was hung over the couch because I thought it would look nice there. The couch happens to be where my husband spends 90% of his time when he is at home, so, he was in very close proximity to this painting for several hours at a time because by now, our marriage had deteriorated to the point that he was also sleeping there.
I knew on some level that the decision to move forward with ending ur marriage had to come from him. Well, less than a week from hanging the painting he tells me, "We need to talk." And on March 2, 2014 we had the "DIVORCE TALK" and it was actually the best conversation we had in a while!
WOW!!!!!!
It was the first time in as long as I can remember that we sat down and talked about our relationship without arguing or blaming each other for what went wrong and we decided that we booth deserved to be happy and that staying together would lead us to hate each other and, worse, hurt the kids.
I will say that following this conversation it has been a whirlwind of a ride and a roller coaster of emotions going up and down. I'm finding that this is one of the hardest and most painful processes that I have had to go through, even though I know we will all be better off in the end.
I am thankful every day for an AMAZING therapist, all of the spiritual tools I have in my tool box and the amazing supportive friends and family that are helping me get through this!!!!!
So yes, beware...change is not easy but it is so worth it to have the courage to be true to yourself, to allow yourself to be deserving of all of the happiness in the world and have faith that this is what God has intended for you.
So, in the wors of my Late and MAZING brother, Lanny Charton, whose wisdom I imparted when I first started this blog about 7 or 8 years ago......
"HAPPY, HAPPIER, HAPPIEST"
I'm taking your advice Lanny, and choosing LOVE instead of FEAR and going after HAPPIER to get my HAPPIEST.... I know you are so proud of me!!!!!!
And by the way, here is the painting that changed my life........
For information about my workshops and healing circles that will support you in creating change in your own life..... CLICK HERE
~NAMASTE~
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